Silverest Bat,
These are some dandy items I (no need to tell you who I am in parentheses, so I'll just skip that) would love to receive as gifts this super-fine Christmas:
1 head of a sheik. Minor sheik, major sheik, I don't really care (I don't actually understand sheik hierarchy).
2 phantom rug mites that are always lurking...somewhere...nearby...
3 real, REAL, jumping jacks. It would make me chuckle to watch you try.
4 unwed ferrets so that they can understand the pains of a sorrowful bachelor and also make a sweet pair of gloves when I'm tired of them.
5 rockin' laser rifles for blasting holes in stuff, up to and including the moon. But not our moon. I mean Io. So get scopes on those.
6 elephant tusks made of PURE GOLD. This will require you to find the legendary golden elephant and then clone him three times (because we can't kill the original one! Then NO ONE will get golden tusks).
7 hot peppers grown to spell my name. I know it isn't the growing season, but I figure you can get it done. I trust you.
8 pencils for gnawing. Don't get those fake wood ones because they taste awful.
9 gun-toting orphans. But make sure they don't know how to use the guns. Their frustration will only make them more adorable.
10 LIVE RATS for stomping purposes.
11 finger bones from a freaky skeleton. And I will know if one of the bones is a toe or a rib, so don't try anything stupid.
12 badly burnt pineapples so that I can bite into one and hate you for ruining twelve good pineapples.
This concludes my wish list. Get on it.
CL
